Don't blame others for your suffering

“If for instance, we blame others for our own suffering, we are not taking responsibility for what’s happening in our lives, acting as if we are victims giving our power away to that person/s, event or circumstance, essentially declaring that something outside of ourselves has power over us.” – Helen Lee

Among other things, in Part V, I touched on the idea of “deserving way better” or what I call “deserv-ability”, which I would like to cover in greater depth here, as an important part of true transformation.

It’s funny that we have the word “responsibility” in the English language but not “deservability”.  Our computer auto-correct will change it to “desirability”.  And that’s exactly it.  Our society is focused on making ourselves desirable to others so that we feel better about ourselves.  It makes our sense of worthiness dependent on the external rather than teaching us to be self-determined.

Well, it is not only high time that we create a new word here, but I have also long been coaching people about what I call our Deservability Quotient™ or DQ.  When we feel deserving, when we know who we really are, we would give to ourselves only the very best.  We may have to begin with insisting if not demanding for what we long to have, whether it is directed at God and the Universe or the people around us.

This is the ability to feel that we truly deserve the very best, to not settle for anything less than we deserve, to not compromise ourselves ever (arriving at a happy compromise or a solution that meets the needs of all concerned is very different from compromising ourselves, where we are not loving or honoring ourselves at all).

So, just as we can develop our ability to respond to whatever shows up in our life and therefore develop our sense of responsibility, we can also increase our DQ or Deservability Quotient.   If for instance, we blame others for our own suffering, we are not taking responsibility for what’s happening in our lives, acting as if we are victims giving our power away to that/those person/s, event or circumstance, essentially declaring that something outside of ourselves  has power over us.

Ascend To Higher Level of Consciousness

On the other hand, life continuously presents us with opportunities to realize that whatever is occurring is actually occurring for our own growth, pertaining to our own internal circumstance – not because we are at fault but because we are meant to grow beyond a particular issue, challenge or trait that is part of the persona we adopted in this earthly life of ours.   It means that we can, indeed, take responsibility to ascend to a higher level of consciousness, a higher level of being and operating as our human self (small s) in greater communion and cohesion with our Soul or Inner Self (Big S).

The small s aligns and unifies with the Big S with the support of the Universe or Spirit (the Biggest S), remaining firmly grounded and yet vastly expanded.  You can read parts IV and V of this series on True Transformation for details of my Triple S concept.

Right alongside with taking responsibility, is declaring that we deserve the very best and this stems from our also realizing that we are truly deserving in the first place, that we are not just flawed human beings having to forever fix our imperfections in order to measure up to some ideal set by other flawed fellow human beings, that the world in its tremendous imperfections has come to worship and adore.  The only way out of this madness is to go inward and KNOW ourselves, KNOW who we really are, KNOW that what I am saying and many others are now saying, is not merely some new age mumbo jumbo.

Come To Your Own Realizations From Deep Within

Know it for yourself.  Don’t dismiss before you uncover it for yourself.  Come to your own realizations, FROM DEEP WITHIN, when you are in a state of great peace and stillness.  Not in a shockingly limited way, from your mind, or worse yet, just from your analytical, logical and fear-based left brain.  When we know from deep within us that we are, in fact, spiritual beings first and foremost, and ALLOW our Soul, our spiritual or inner selves to lead, life transforms completely.  We begin to let go of the outmoded way that human beings think and live, where we are constantly chasing external accolades and achievements, in order to feel good about ourselves, to feel important and even whole.

Identiy as Soul = key to everything

“When we know from deep within us that we are, in fact, spiritual beings first and foremost, and ALLOW our Soul, our spiritual or inner selves to lead, life transforms completely.” – Helen Lee

No matter how great the external success is, the person inevitably feels empty and far from whole, unless there is more in his or her life.  I remember coaching a European lady who came to me in her mid-sixties, more than 10 years ago.  She confessed to having a self esteem problem, even though she had run a well known multinational banking corporation across Asia.  She also told me about how she had always felt like a fraud, even though she held that position for many years.

Process of Liberation

You see, at the end of the day, it really is how we perceive ourselves that matters.  And, it is NOT that if one person has more confidence than another, that makes the person better than the other.  What it is, is that, each one of us comes with not only a set persona but a set deck of cards as to how we and our lives are going to play out.  But the WAY we play it out, is still up to us, as in our human selves.  Someone who has less confidence because of some seemingly minor incident that happened eons ago in his or her childhood, who is impacted by the cellular memory of that incident and its accompanying locked-in emotions, can consciously decide to get out of that imprisonment, embark on the journey home to the heart, to the Soul or Big S, in surrender to their own Greatness and the Invincible Love that resides within them.

When that process of liberation begins for us, with or without any professional help, we make different decisions.  We increasingly say “Yes!” to ourselves and a big fat “No” to others, not because we are being self-centered but because we have begun to love and honor ourselves, to put ourselves first.  If we have not had others do that for us when we were little, we can begin to practice doing it for ourselves now – the entire process of loving, appreciating and respecting ourselves, our needs and desires.

We will move towards KNOWING, from within us, that there is absolutely no need whatsoever to suffer.  We will not even need to insist or demand anything from anyone or from Heaven then.  We will not be in our own way or in Heaven’s way of giving to us all that we need and want.  When we keep saying “Yes” to our individual selves, the whole Universe says “Yes” to us.  And it’s not that we feel entitled, we simply feel deserving.

Get To The Point of Absolute Flow

Until we get to that point of absolute flow, we must start the process by standing up for ourselves, demanding that Heaven gives to us – the Divine, being egoless, won’t be offended – and insist that people in our life treat us right.  And if they don’t or can’t, we know that we have choices.  We know we can walk away, send them away, replace them, report them, do anything that is upright and simultaneously honors us.

Even when we want love and support from others, we have a right to ask for how we would like to have it.  Some people have the tendency to start imposing on us, just because they are helping us, or think that they are, when, in fact, they are unconsciously or consciously attempting to disempower us.  It becomes a power play between the person needing help and the person giving it.

Remember that we have the power to state clearly to all and sundry, in all circumstances, how we would like to be treated.  And the loudest declaration of the sort would be the way in which we are treating ourselves.  When we only consciously – even systematically (if need be) to inculcate a new behavior until it becomes second nature – treat ourselves with the utmost love and compassion, reverence even, we energetically tell the world how they must, in fact, interact with us.

Need someone to simply be there

“Even when we want love and support from others, we have a right to ask for how we would like to have it.” – Helen Lee

By the same token, we must also treat others the way we ourselves would like to be treated – with love, respect, courtesy and appreciation.  It would simply be unbecoming of us as spiritual beings to talk down to others, to argue needlessly or be overtly or covertly aggressive.  Ascending while being in the body is the most wondrous life path we could journey on and it encompasses the embracing of all around us, perhaps some more closely than others, but certainly all in our hearts.

Here To Be Our True Selves

If you are not quite there yet, take heart.  You can begin or further yourself on your journey home.  It is a journey we are all meant to take, the reason why we are here – just to know who we really are, just to be our True Selves, our Greatest Divine Selves, whose essence is Love, Joy and Peace.  And this journey does NOT even have to be as painful as I have seen it to be for many.

I have gone through so many baptisms of fire and created a program that makes it so easy for people to return home, unless God (or the Universe) and Destiny have other plans for you.  Even so, you can still jump through burning hoops so much more easily, with so much more Grace, and so much more quickly.  Some seem to need to prolong the pain, having been taught that it is ideal or heroic to even love it.  Accepting and embracing pain is one thing, becoming addicted to it and the struggle is another.

I am all for Ease and Grace.  Blessed be.

Once again, I have to postpone including my two poems on the Journey Home because of an incredibly long article.  So, I shall simply say, let’s see what is very much wanting to be expressed the next time I write for this series on True Transformation.  These are exciting times and I feel so privileged to be able to support those who are ready to ascend, to do so, with as much Ease and Grace as possible.

I wish you a wonderful Easter weekend, a perfect celebration of a True Master who showed us how to be the Light that we are, how to be of the highest Christ Consciousness by being the Love that we also are.  This high level of consciousness is now available to us, while we are still in the physical body, in this physical world, regardless of our religious or spiritual beliefs or non-beliefs.

And what’s more, in an hour from the time I publish this article first written two days ago, we will experience, here in Singapore, what is known as a “blood moon”, a total lunar eclipse which happens when the Sun, Earth and Moon are aligned and the Moon passes behind the Earth into its umbra, or inner shadow.  It is the culmination of a two-week window of opportunity between two eclipses, an opportunity to release our old selves and our old lives, and to step into our True Selves and our True Lives, where we can at last live the lives that we have dreamt of, because finally we have raised our sense of deservability, our knowing that we are magnificent spiritual beings ready to co-create Heaven on Earth with the Divine.

The Light within me salutes the Light within all of you.

With Great Love,

Helen Lee


  1. Mary

    Thank you, Helen. This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing a portion on Panache’s Facebook site, which is how I arrived here. Lovely to be here. Lovely to get to know you better. Thank you for being you. You do it well.

    • Helen Lee

      Thank you so much, Mary! I greatly appreciate your comment, beautiful comments like yours always serve to spur me on to share even more. Love to you xx


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